Ultrarunning community urges athlete not to dwell on impressive personal record that failed to meet internationally recognized minimum suffering requirements BELLEVILLE, WI—After running approximately 62 miles in one day while battling heat, exhaustion, insufficient calories, intestinal distress, …
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Ultrarunner’s 101-Mile Achievement Invalidated After Watch Dies at 99.88
Officials confirm man merely spent 21 hours wandering Wisconsin, eating peanut butter, and repeatedly returning to same tavern BELLEVILLE, WI—Despite running 101 miles in 21 hours, 31 minutes, finishing eighth out of 94 competitors, and traveling 38 miles farther than he ever had before, local …
Ultramarathoner Deliberately Misses 30-Hour Finish So Belt Buckle Will Better Reflect Scale of Psychological Emergency
Runner spends entire night hallucinating, napping on picnic furniture, and fighting to walk straight before heroically wasting final minutes near finish line BELLEVILLE, WI — After traveling 100 miles on foot through heat, humidity, darkness, sleep deprivation, trail detours, and several …
The Illinois Prairie Path: How a Dead Railroad Became the Western Suburbs’ Best Idea
Most suburban infrastructure is designed around a simple assumption: You are currently in a car, you wish to remain in the car, and any attempt to leave the car indicates either mechanical failure or suspicious behavior. The Illinois Prairie Path is a 61-mile rebuttal. It slips through Cook, …
Badger 100-Mile Race Announces Innovative Course Allowing Runners to Reach Finish Line Twice Before Being Told to Leave
BELLEVILLE, WI — In a bold reimagining of both endurance sports and psychological warfare, organizers of the Badger 100 Mile have unveiled a 101.1-mile course that allows participants to arrive at the finish-line area multiple times before race officials point south and tell them to keep …
BADGER TRAIL RACES CONFIRMS 50-MILE DISTANCE REMAINS AMERICA’S LEAST POPULAR WAY TO RUIN AN ENTIRE WEEKEND
NEW GLARUS, WI — Ten Junk Miles Racing officials confirmed that 37 deeply confused individuals have registered for the Badger Trail 50 Miler, making it the event’s smallest field and officially less popular than running 100 miles, running 100 kilometers, running a 50K, or apparently doing almost …
The Curious Case of the Overbuilt Runner (Or: Why Your Legs Are Strong Enough—And That’s the Problem)
1. The Hook: When Fitness Becomes a Liability There’s a very specific kind of athlete you’ll find at the starting line of a long race. They look like they could carry your car out of a ditch.Their calves have calves.Their resting posture suggests they’ve never once lost a fight with …
The Myth of the Mighty Glutes: Why Your Butt Isn’t Running the Show (Even If It Looks Like It Is)
There’s a certain type of runner you’ll see at the start line of a 50-miler. They don’t say much. They stretch quietly. They look… aerodynamic. And then there’s the other type—the one built like they just walked off a fitness influencer’s “Lower Body Day” reel. Glutes sculpted like marble. Shorts …
Childish 50 M
Nine Loops to Enlightenment (Or How to Run in Circles on Purpose) There’s something deeply unsettling about willingly signing up to run in circles. Not metaphorically—people do that all the time. Careers, meetings, group texts that never die. I mean physically. You drive out to a quiet forest …
How to Run Like a Tank (and Still Float): Racing Smart Over 200 lbs Without Apologizing for It
Most running advice is written by people who weigh 143 pounds and think “strength training” is holding a cold brew while they scroll Strava. Which is fine. Love that for them. But if you’re over 200 lbs, a race isn’t just “a fun little jog through nature.” It’s a physics experiment where …