NEW GLARUS, WI — Ten Junk Miles Racing officials confirmed that 37 deeply confused individuals have registered for the Badger Trail 50 Miler, making it the event’s smallest field and officially less popular than running 100 miles, running 100 kilometers, running a 50K, or apparently doing almost anything else with your life.
Registration totals currently stand at:
- 100 Miler: 185 lunatics
- 100K: 87 commitment-phobes
- 50 Miler: 37 people who clicked the wrong button
- 50K: 102 functional alcoholics with hydration vests
- Marathon: 35 road runners who wandered onto gravel
- Half Marathon: 64 people still capable of making brunch
Experts say the numbers prove ultrarunners would rather destroy their kidneys for 100 miles than endure the social humiliation of admitting they signed up for “just” 50.
“The 50-miler occupies a difficult psychological space,” explained one race official. “It’s too far to be enjoyable, but not far enough to make strangers pretend you’re inspirational.”
Several 50-mile entrants have already changed their distance after realizing they would receive neither the respect afforded to 100-mile finishers nor the ability to walk normally on Monday.
At press time, all 37 remaining runners were assuring friends that 50 miles is “actually the smart distance,” while quietly wondering why twice as many people voluntarily registered to run through the goddamn night.